Please fund my show http://www.gofundme.com/stacyfrett
Yesterday my mom would have been 72 years old. Almost three years ago Michaelene Frett lost her 20+ years battle with cancer. My life had been on hold till that point. Because of all the constant worry and love of my mother, I have never been too far from her side. My plans in life were put on hold. All those years have great memories for me, but still I was missing out. She was my best friend and worst enemy. Her approval meant everything to me. All my achievements and different jobs never seemed to add up to her expectations. Granted it caused me to strive much harder, to the point of absolute collapse on a few occasions. It has taken me this long to realize that her expectations of me were the result of her own unfufilled dreams. She lived vicariously through my sucesses and failures. In the long run though, it became a burden for me. My physical health had deteriorated, numerous migraines, depression, and a eating disorder from an early age plagued me daily. It was a lose/lose situation for both of us. Her death gave me a chance to live my own life. I feel like an absolute teenager starting over at middle age. I miss her everday, but now my life is my own. I have never really had that. It is almost like being divorced. My own marriage was failed means of escape. It is hard to say what will happen from here. The job market where I live now is terrible. I am over qualified in some respects and underqualified in others. Hope is all that I have at the moment. I am slowly adapting and finding my way. It has not been easy one bit. My father has been a bit supportive, but doesn't understand completely. He tries, though. It is hard to be a parent at 76 when you have your own stuff to deal with.
Over that last couple years I got back into making art and selling it again.
In the last year I have showed a couple of pieces through the Murray Art Guild. One should realize that the last shows before that were at the Chicago Cultural Center and the Museum of Contemporary Art. I had a complete artistic paralysis after that. How the hell could I top that? Why should I even try? I took a good 10 years off and in that time I began to realize that I don't have to top anything that I have done in the past. All I have to do is make art regardless of where it shows or if it sells. I have to do the very things that I love and that is all that should matter. My mother was always proud of my work and travelled hundreds of miles by train for two group exhibitions that I was in, but the pressure was still there. I could have become the next big thing and it wouldn't have been enough. Now in my forties I know better. I have become my own woman and left home as it were. I make mistakes daily and fall more often than not, but I am doing my thing. Life is hard and the world doesn't owe you anything, but damn what a challenge to undertake. Little sucesses mean the world to me and it turns out that by doing what I love, there are people to apprecitate it. I thank all of you who have been there for me. I don't have a damn clue what the future holds for me, but what a great adventure! I will definately do my best to see what happens...
